Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Visiting Corvallis/Entitlement and Exceptionalism

So the trip back up to Corvallis went pretty good it was great to see my cousins, my aunt, my folks, and my brother and sister-in-law in Sacramento sad that it had to be my cousin Dave's memorial service. Also wonderful to hang out with Lucy for an evening.

I got to stay at my parents new place at Eskaton and help them unpack and put things away and find things but not too much just enough. It is my mom's house after all and you've got to watch out what you do in another woman's house.

I took Monitor Pass to get to Sacramento, that's too long a route and I don't think I'll ever take it again. Especially concerning was where Hwy 4 came into Hwy 89 and there was no sign to tell me that there was a stop sign coming up, thankfully there was no one coming in that direction and I survived.

Then after Sacramento I spent nine hours getting up to Corvallis and Michael had the house in pretty good shape for me to put my things down. I had to straighten up a few things but it only took me about a half an hour/45 minutes about par for the course when I'd come back home from work so I figure I saved about seven months of doing that every day. And then as I got energy I did more things like straighten up the kitchen; put away and wash dishes. So by the time I left I had swept the kitchens, bathrooms, and basement, and put clean rugs down in all those places. And I even cleaned out the refrigerator, some things were left in there from when I left around Thanksgiving!

Also I got some Corvallis only items at the grocery stores. Don't know why they don't have sliced green olives down in this part of the world, plus they don't have Toby's salad dressings or Portland catchup and mustard so those things had to be gotten. Also I got a whole quart jar of dried chives from the co-op, can't be without those. I think that the whole quart jar I got probably cost about as much as one of those little spice jars that you would get here in the grocery stores.

Also I noticed about Thursday that I was twisting when I sat and stood in a way that I haven't here in the Owens Valley. Don't know if it was the kitchen table chairs or just Corvallis angst.

Vernon had left a whole bunch of stuff in the guest bedroom downstairs that needed to be gotten rid of so that the bedroom could become a guestroom again. This was important because Michael's daughter Katie was visiting Thursday.

So on Monday I went and got enough boxes to pack up his stuff. I packed it all up and cleaned the room. There was enough stuff to fill the whole middle section of my big rig—a bout the size of what would go in the bed small pick up, he had access to such a vehicle. Included in what I packed up were two large laundry loads of clothes he left and his health books the, Merck Manual, a PDR, etc.

Anyway that got delivered to him on Tuesday when I went by the Farmstand to talk with Cheryl about getting my new phone. And I got the bedding back including the pillows, yes I wanted and the house needed those. I didn't take the sheets back, allegedly they been ripped and I found replacements at Kmart for only six bucks so what the hell. But I had to wash it all. So I did lots of laundry between that and getting some of the other parts of the house together for Katie's visit on Thursday. I think in total I made three beds that day. Had to change the sheets on the downstairs living room futon as they'd gotten dirty when the fireplace/wood stove insert had been removed.

Had a great meal with my sons at Nearly Normals on Tuesday, they are so fun. And got to see my daughter and grandkids on Friday. Showed them pictures of my new place and the recovered winged chairs/loveseat. Their comments were the same that they'd have to come down with magic markers to write on them again. LOL! And it was great to deliver the keyboard to the grandkids, don't know how he thought he could take that, but he did. Also got a blanket that had been Zeke's back in that process.

But in setting up the downstairs bathroom for Katie's visit I noticed missing towels in the bathroom, had I taken them? And in the bedroom a missing clock radio and clip on lamp. And upstairs in the kitchen my salt/pepper mill that I'd gotten most likely a wedding present or earlier from my parents was missing. He'd taken those things, figuring I'd not be returning. Don't know where he got that idea from. I was still going to come up and visit my kids and grandkids and as long as Michael owns the house that's where I'm staying. He claims that the salt/pepper mill was a gift from his sister, well I bet that one was in the kitchen equipment (cooking pots/pans and knives) that got left at Pink House and who knows where they/it are/is now. He didn't pursue Michele and Reese very actively for their return. I don't see why I should have to make up the difference on those losses. I did replace the clip on lamp since the guest room has very little light, but it cost me $13 which unemployed as I am is something I shouldn't have had to spend money on.

I left the house with the right things for it to continue and for them to be there during my visits. And I made sure there were things for him, Vernon, to use, a blender, a coffee grinder, etc. and when I noticed that I hadn't taken the salt/pepper mill (the one we used by the stove—not having one at my house here) as well as the tortilla warmer, he sent them back to me along with a few other things I'd forgotten. And he seemed happy to do that.

It is interesting about the things he left behind like the suitcase that he used to have his drum stuff in and the rug he'd used for his drum kit when he was doing gigs, those were things were Michael's. I did use that rug to appoint the guest room. But he left his rug that he had the drums on in the downstairs living room, pretty ugly and stained I must say.

When I returned him all the stuff he left in the guestroom he complained that now he'd have to somehow haul it away and that it could've been taken to the bicycle collective. Well that wasn't my job to do that and it certainly wasn't Michael's. Michael is an elder and he's not very good at cleaning. Vernon had the gall to say that he just figured that somebody was going to buy the house and they would just trash it anyway and that he, Vernon, was an elder too. Well since it was my responsibility for bringing Vernon into the house I guess it was my responsibility to get rid of his crap at least for Michael. And I even returned the sleeping bag and Thermarest air mattress that he'd given me.

One time Vernon told me of a former lover throwing his stuff over the fence when he left it at her house. I think he was living with his cousin who lives right across the fence from her, and I think this was the gymnast and I think this is when he also got together with Marjori the first time. So maybe it is a repeating pattern. And he didn't take his stuff from Pink House either or arrange to get it taken care of but there were extenuating circumstances with that.

He did leave the towel that he came to the house with. I may just burn it when I'm up there next. And I guess I don't really want those towels back now that they've touched his skin and I can't have his skin. But I hate to see them used in their house. And I do want the salt/pepper mill returned it was in the house before he got there and it was a gift from my parents—it belongs in the house for my use when I'm visiting. Maybe when they get married someone can give them one as a wedding present since. I guess he's decided that it was a wedding announcement when he talked about him and Marjori getting back together after being apart 12 years and he said that you never mention your exes in the wedding announcement.

And when I mentioned that I wanted the towels back and the salt/pepper mill he said I could give him back the iPad and the Mac Mini and that two can play at this game. Well those were gifts and they were freely given at one point. I did actually think that I might give him back the Mac Mini once I got wherewithal to replace it with something of my own.But he's got his own MacBook that he can get repaired for about the same amount of money. The IPad was loving you engraved to me at the time it was given.

Reenie was surprised at my emotions about Vernon, she said you used to be something, but are we now?! And because I feel so strongly about this and have felt a lot of callousness from him about my feelings that bond/connection is gone along with most likely the friendship. Reenie suggested that we might want to have a mediation, well maybe next time I'm up but I doubt that he's really into that. We did have time to talk on Friday and it was no better in person than texting or on Messenger.

At any rate the next time I'm up I won't have to spend any time dealing with Vernon 's stuff and I will be able to easily pack up the stuff that I wasn't able to get this trip or to take when I came down the first time. I know that I have room in my storage shed and will have room in the rig (it was full this time). And then I'm being responsible for my stuff not leaving it to Michael to have to deal with. I'll even be able to get the Manzanar bed. Maybe I'll get to visit with people instead of packing and reclaiming; that would be a lot nicer!

Anyway I'm seriously sad about this and I don't see a resolution except for forgetting. It's hard to remember the good times I know I did get to do things that I might not of gotten to do, but I feel very ripped apart. Michael did cuddle with me a bit and the first time I broke into tears, I haven't cuddled with anyone since Vernon.

I'm posting this as part of my healing process whether people think I'm taking the high road or the low road is not my concern, I'm taking the road that I think I need to take to heal whatever the elevation. And I find Vernon's sense of entitlement about the stuff at the house and the sense of exceptionalism toward Michael very hard to deal with. I know Michael's not the easiest person and made it difficult for him but I don't think this passive aggressive stuff on Vernon's part has made anything better. I mean if we were using stronger language about my stuff that he took from the house we might use the word theft. Also I was in that house for a quarter of a century and I still have emotional ties to it and to it looking nice and I entrusted that what I left would be respected until I returned.

And what's really funny is the last break up like this (back in 1980) was with a bassist. Maybe I should stay away from musicians. I'm going to take some of the things that are left in my house from his time here and that were at the Pi to my ritual place on Friday and put them there, including the drumstick earrings.

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