Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Visiting Corvallis/Entitlement and Exceptionalism

So the trip back up to Corvallis went pretty good it was great to see my cousins, my aunt, my folks, and my brother and sister-in-law in Sacramento sad that it had to be my cousin Dave's memorial service. Also wonderful to hang out with Lucy for an evening.

I got to stay at my parents new place at Eskaton and help them unpack and put things away and find things but not too much just enough. It is my mom's house after all and you've got to watch out what you do in another woman's house.

I took Monitor Pass to get to Sacramento, that's too long a route and I don't think I'll ever take it again. Especially concerning was where Hwy 4 came into Hwy 89 and there was no sign to tell me that there was a stop sign coming up, thankfully there was no one coming in that direction and I survived.

Then after Sacramento I spent nine hours getting up to Corvallis and Michael had the house in pretty good shape for me to put my things down. I had to straighten up a few things but it only took me about a half an hour/45 minutes about par for the course when I'd come back home from work so I figure I saved about seven months of doing that every day. And then as I got energy I did more things like straighten up the kitchen; put away and wash dishes. So by the time I left I had swept the kitchens, bathrooms, and basement, and put clean rugs down in all those places. And I even cleaned out the refrigerator, some things were left in there from when I left around Thanksgiving!

Also I got some Corvallis only items at the grocery stores. Don't know why they don't have sliced green olives down in this part of the world, plus they don't have Toby's salad dressings or Portland catchup and mustard so those things had to be gotten. Also I got a whole quart jar of dried chives from the co-op, can't be without those. I think that the whole quart jar I got probably cost about as much as one of those little spice jars that you would get here in the grocery stores.

Also I noticed about Thursday that I was twisting when I sat and stood in a way that I haven't here in the Owens Valley. Don't know if it was the kitchen table chairs or just Corvallis angst.

Vernon had left a whole bunch of stuff in the guest bedroom downstairs that needed to be gotten rid of so that the bedroom could become a guestroom again. This was important because Michael's daughter Katie was visiting Thursday.

So on Monday I went and got enough boxes to pack up his stuff. I packed it all up and cleaned the room. There was enough stuff to fill the whole middle section of my big rig—a bout the size of what would go in the bed small pick up, he had access to such a vehicle. Included in what I packed up were two large laundry loads of clothes he left and his health books the, Merck Manual, a PDR, etc.

Anyway that got delivered to him on Tuesday when I went by the Farmstand to talk with Cheryl about getting my new phone. And I got the bedding back including the pillows, yes I wanted and the house needed those. I didn't take the sheets back, allegedly they been ripped and I found replacements at Kmart for only six bucks so what the hell. But I had to wash it all. So I did lots of laundry between that and getting some of the other parts of the house together for Katie's visit on Thursday. I think in total I made three beds that day. Had to change the sheets on the downstairs living room futon as they'd gotten dirty when the fireplace/wood stove insert had been removed.

Had a great meal with my sons at Nearly Normals on Tuesday, they are so fun. And got to see my daughter and grandkids on Friday. Showed them pictures of my new place and the recovered winged chairs/loveseat. Their comments were the same that they'd have to come down with magic markers to write on them again. LOL! And it was great to deliver the keyboard to the grandkids, don't know how he thought he could take that, but he did. Also got a blanket that had been Zeke's back in that process.

But in setting up the downstairs bathroom for Katie's visit I noticed missing towels in the bathroom, had I taken them? And in the bedroom a missing clock radio and clip on lamp. And upstairs in the kitchen my salt/pepper mill that I'd gotten most likely a wedding present or earlier from my parents was missing. He'd taken those things, figuring I'd not be returning. Don't know where he got that idea from. I was still going to come up and visit my kids and grandkids and as long as Michael owns the house that's where I'm staying. He claims that the salt/pepper mill was a gift from his sister, well I bet that one was in the kitchen equipment (cooking pots/pans and knives) that got left at Pink House and who knows where they/it are/is now. He didn't pursue Michele and Reese very actively for their return. I don't see why I should have to make up the difference on those losses. I did replace the clip on lamp since the guest room has very little light, but it cost me $13 which unemployed as I am is something I shouldn't have had to spend money on.

I left the house with the right things for it to continue and for them to be there during my visits. And I made sure there were things for him, Vernon, to use, a blender, a coffee grinder, etc. and when I noticed that I hadn't taken the salt/pepper mill (the one we used by the stove—not having one at my house here) as well as the tortilla warmer, he sent them back to me along with a few other things I'd forgotten. And he seemed happy to do that.

It is interesting about the things he left behind like the suitcase that he used to have his drum stuff in and the rug he'd used for his drum kit when he was doing gigs, those were things were Michael's. I did use that rug to appoint the guest room. But he left his rug that he had the drums on in the downstairs living room, pretty ugly and stained I must say.

When I returned him all the stuff he left in the guestroom he complained that now he'd have to somehow haul it away and that it could've been taken to the bicycle collective. Well that wasn't my job to do that and it certainly wasn't Michael's. Michael is an elder and he's not very good at cleaning. Vernon had the gall to say that he just figured that somebody was going to buy the house and they would just trash it anyway and that he, Vernon, was an elder too. Well since it was my responsibility for bringing Vernon into the house I guess it was my responsibility to get rid of his crap at least for Michael. And I even returned the sleeping bag and Thermarest air mattress that he'd given me.

One time Vernon told me of a former lover throwing his stuff over the fence when he left it at her house. I think he was living with his cousin who lives right across the fence from her, and I think this was the gymnast and I think this is when he also got together with Marjori the first time. So maybe it is a repeating pattern. And he didn't take his stuff from Pink House either or arrange to get it taken care of but there were extenuating circumstances with that.

He did leave the towel that he came to the house with. I may just burn it when I'm up there next. And I guess I don't really want those towels back now that they've touched his skin and I can't have his skin. But I hate to see them used in their house. And I do want the salt/pepper mill returned it was in the house before he got there and it was a gift from my parents—it belongs in the house for my use when I'm visiting. Maybe when they get married someone can give them one as a wedding present since. I guess he's decided that it was a wedding announcement when he talked about him and Marjori getting back together after being apart 12 years and he said that you never mention your exes in the wedding announcement.

And when I mentioned that I wanted the towels back and the salt/pepper mill he said I could give him back the iPad and the Mac Mini and that two can play at this game. Well those were gifts and they were freely given at one point. I did actually think that I might give him back the Mac Mini once I got wherewithal to replace it with something of my own.But he's got his own MacBook that he can get repaired for about the same amount of money. The IPad was loving you engraved to me at the time it was given.

Reenie was surprised at my emotions about Vernon, she said you used to be something, but are we now?! And because I feel so strongly about this and have felt a lot of callousness from him about my feelings that bond/connection is gone along with most likely the friendship. Reenie suggested that we might want to have a mediation, well maybe next time I'm up but I doubt that he's really into that. We did have time to talk on Friday and it was no better in person than texting or on Messenger.

At any rate the next time I'm up I won't have to spend any time dealing with Vernon 's stuff and I will be able to easily pack up the stuff that I wasn't able to get this trip or to take when I came down the first time. I know that I have room in my storage shed and will have room in the rig (it was full this time). And then I'm being responsible for my stuff not leaving it to Michael to have to deal with. I'll even be able to get the Manzanar bed. Maybe I'll get to visit with people instead of packing and reclaiming; that would be a lot nicer!

Anyway I'm seriously sad about this and I don't see a resolution except for forgetting. It's hard to remember the good times I know I did get to do things that I might not of gotten to do, but I feel very ripped apart. Michael did cuddle with me a bit and the first time I broke into tears, I haven't cuddled with anyone since Vernon.

I'm posting this as part of my healing process whether people think I'm taking the high road or the low road is not my concern, I'm taking the road that I think I need to take to heal whatever the elevation. And I find Vernon's sense of entitlement about the stuff at the house and the sense of exceptionalism toward Michael very hard to deal with. I know Michael's not the easiest person and made it difficult for him but I don't think this passive aggressive stuff on Vernon's part has made anything better. I mean if we were using stronger language about my stuff that he took from the house we might use the word theft. Also I was in that house for a quarter of a century and I still have emotional ties to it and to it looking nice and I entrusted that what I left would be respected until I returned.

And what's really funny is the last break up like this (back in 1980) was with a bassist. Maybe I should stay away from musicians. I'm going to take some of the things that are left in my house from his time here and that were at the Pi to my ritual place on Friday and put them there, including the drumstick earrings.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Addendum to The Eight Years

So my post about the eight years gathered some some replies from Vernon. The main concern he voiced was about my comments over his un(der)employment in Corvallis. I don't know whether it was a fear of rejection or what. Finally he did say that he was grateful for the place to live. But still I'm not even a footnote, for the time that he and I had together for eight years in the midst of the story of him and Marjori.

And focusing on the financial is not my main concern, it's not the thing that is the hardest or the most heartbreaking for me. Secrets that he shared only with me, and the intimacies that that I/we never had with anyone else. Those things are so much more intangible than talking about financial support or in him not being homeless because he was in my house for eight years. In all not acknowledging the relationship we had is the most hurtful.

I thought better of him, that we did have a friendship, and a bond that would be respected in our absence from each other. That I would have his ear to discuss things that were hard in my life—at all times—and forever.

However subsequent discussions we had after I moved down here and he went back up to Corvallis should've warned me that that might not be the case. My struggles with Zack, who was the manager of my cousin's mobile home park, that I talked with him about were met with a well you just have to understand there will be difficult people in your life and you just have to put up with it and you can't expect anything to be better. This is basically what he said when I moved in about the carpet. Like Yaney you have to accept shit in your living space because there are other people who would just love to have a place at all. But really don't we all deserve to live in a decent place? Maybe not at the level the Americans live. But this is what is expected in America. And who would want to visit my house? And how would it affect the work I'm trying to do here?

I guess that's what it comes down to is that I wasn't worth it, for him to really pursue contributing financially, or now even in friendship by acknowledging the eight years. I don't know that anybody really thought that I was worth it, looking at everyone that I come across, even my mother. Russell did his best considering the employment situation in Corvallis and with the resources that he had as a Vietnam Vet. Michael still feels that he has a financial commitment to me and he is doing what he can. But with unemployment it's a very hard road right now for me.

And when we were together and he was having conversations with Marjori my feelings were always taken into consideration—at least by her—or so it was reported to me. I never did have a conversation with her about the things she and he we discussing in renewing their relationship. But now that I'm gone, conveniently so I'd say, my feelings mean nothing, they are just an inconvenience.

Maybe this explains his crankiness to me after I moved. Maybe deep down he really knows he supposed to honor me, maybe he never really did. And maybe deep down he knows he isn't now. But the press he gives himself says it that's the kind of man he is and that's what most people believe him to be.

And I wonder if part of the problem with American males on the left is that they switch their guilt about America by putting it off on the women. And Vernon is in that grouping. What else is “American Woman stay away from me” all about? How Adam and Eve and the snake.

Dang he was the cutest thing I've ever seen! And minus a few crushes that left me broken hearted for a bit, this is my first break up since 1980. I think I will be gentle on myself about it. As I maintain, public acknowledgement of our eight years, or what he felt good or bad about those eight years, would go a long way towards repairing this broken trust.

Tuesday, July 05, 2016

We Had Eight Years—Vernon Huffman and I

Drums/Twitter—August 25, 2008” @VernonHuffman what kind of drums and why aren't you playing with our band?”
Google Chat—October 17, 2008
10:02 PM me: hi ya. Did you enjoy playing with the group last night? it was fun to hear you on the timpanis. 
10:56 PMVernon: It was a bit like going back to my school days, Yaney, and I'm not one who generally longs for that, but it was interesting. Most intriguing point in the evening was the kiss.
11:11 PM me: Well, I wasn't sure how you felt about that. Still a bit hesitant after your ex neighbour. Are you going to the pink painting party--do you have congas?
Over to his place—October 18, 2008
Michael Heart Attack—October 24-27, 2008
Hot Springs Xmas Day—2008
          Moved in January
          Dan Death—April 23, 2010
            Mom Death—January 16, 2011—Service in Rapid City SD January 19, 2011
Mom's Service Oregon UCC Hillsboro—Date ??
Derek Wake—March 17-19, 2011
Boulder—July 1-17, 2011
            ELAW—March 2012
Working for Cynthia—April 10, 2012-June 13, 2012 (bad day?)
Green Convention—July 10-16, 2012
V Family Gathering—July 12-16, 2012 Shared bus back from Seattle/Portland
Harvest and Co—July 19-August 27/September 3, 2012
Counseling—August 30 through December 8, 2012
            Harvest move in to new apt—March 15, 2013
Max Graduation UO—June 17, 2013
Zeke Move Out—September 2, 2013
Charlie and Julia Wedding—October 19, 2013 (Vernon, Michael and I went)
Y Paya Berkeley—November 20-23, 2013
            Shelter night work—November 2013-March 2014
Owens Valley Visit/Manzanar 45—April 22-29, 2014
Marjori Break—June 13-July 29, 2014
            2-89—January 13-May 19, 2015 end of him playing with the CNHB
Walking Water—August 25-November 1, 2015
Moving Days—November 22-30, 2015 (last day November 30)
           May 9 (I saw May 11) and May 16—Marjori announcements

So I followed my MySpace crush on Twitter and from there I got acquainted with Vernon and found out that he needed space to store his rather large drum set. So since we, Michael and I, had space in the basement and because he was part of a group of people that are my friends I thought we could help him out.

I had already met him somewhere around February 2007. He was helping Michele Darr put on a PeaceWorker training through the Rural Organizing Project/Code Pink and was taking notes at the very first meeting. Michele and I have known each other when I worked at Oregon PeaceWorks and she knew I was a good organizer so I got tapped for a lot to put into that training. And in one of our early conversations he and I had, I said, “I would like to see you ride up my hill.” What a line!

He and Michele went on a bike ride for six months in 2006 called Catalysts of Hope. The ride took them across country through the South; up to St. Louis, and over to DC where they arrived for World Car Free Day and a few other things. That said, and as I've said before it was a crucial time for me as I just left Oregon PeaceWorks and was trying to get back into Corvallis and Michele had just had two little kids, and I had a new granddaughter, and I hoped that they/we could get together, and it could be kind of a normal thing that I would be mom or grandmother like. It was a hard return to Corvallis, alas.

I may have met him earlier when he came to talk with Peter about canvassing for Oregon PeaceWorks (between 2003 and 2005) but it would've been a brief meeting as he was probably leaving after talking to Peter and I was just coming to work. Seems that the Seattle area had the first Give Peace a Dance, that he was instrumental in. As many of you know that was one of Oregon PeaceWorks main fundraisers and I think we continued the tradition after it left the Seattle area. So our paths had been intersecting.

Anyway so we met after my offer to him to have a place to store his drums or set them up actually. It took a while for him to ride up the hill to check out the place. But when he did it was a day that I had the worst back shoulder ache ever and I was asleep on the ottoman when he came up. I apologized for being so. We went downstairs for him to check out the drum space and he did it by clapping I can't remember what he called it maybe the echo maybe something else. But he decided that the space would work for his drums acoustically. We sat and chatted for a while in the space and then for some reason we ended up going into the computer room to look up something online. That's when he started rubbing my shoulders and oh Lord the God's were talking to me and he was getting a bit excited himself. However that's as far as it got that night.

But any rate being the good community person and hostess that I am I tried to get him to be able to play drums with various groups. One group was a little ad hoc jazz group that was playing music in the gazebo at Central Park. He didn't really get there in time because he was helping Michele out with some car problems that she was having off in Lebanon. But he did get there at the end and helped me carry my real heavy soprano sax case back to the car. That's when we discovered that he had (and Marjori) been next-door neighbors to my other Langley crush, Derek Parrott who really broke my heart. So I did put out some feelers to Langley friends to find out what kind of a guy he might be etc. Sometime around then I went to hear him when he was playing at the second Saturday event for the Homeless Shelter and it was nice to dance to is drumming. He was very appreciative that I danced to him/them.

The other band I was playing with (kinda called it a middle-aged middle school band), was the Corvallis New Horizons Band and they laughed at me when I said I had a drummer friend who might want to join us. I didn't understand why everybody else could say I have a friend that can play XYZ, like a clarinet or a flute, please bring them. But not a drummer I guess. However he did ride over to check out the band and the next week he came and played with us. We were doing band practice in a middle school band room. It was so good to have a real drummer playing with us especially since there were timpanis and hearing them played was just wonderful. After band practice we went and chatted a lot outside in the parking lot and walked around to the back of the gym and I kissed him. Was very nice, kind a like when I was younger, and those kisses that we had back then. That was October 16th, 2008.

On October 18, 2008 we were chatting on MySpace, I think since I can't seem to find the records in Gmail. And I told him to go slow, adagio. Well about fifteen minutes later I said to myself Yaney he's not in Oakland or in Portland he's only ten minutes away go check it out. So I went down to Veggie House where he lived. We went to the Thai restaurant around the corner and had a wonderful meal and I had leftovers which had meat in it, oh no, but he let me put them in the Veggie House refrigerator anyway. On the walk there to the Thai restaurant we walked past a portable storage unit, a POD, and he said something about how he wished he had one of those and that's what he would live in and just move it from wherever he wanted to go especially to Dar es Salaam, oh no! Oh well shades of Russell and all my ex hippie boy friends who wanted to live in a tipi or a tent. Also I mentioned how sketchy my body was, I was in pain most of the time this from un-recovered stress from working at Oregon PeaceWorks and driving my then 79 VW van back-and-forth to Salem. He was very concerned about what I said about my body.

Then we got talking about a picture on calendar that was up at the Veggie House kitchen wall. There was a picture of Bolivia where people were fighting for their water rights and I said how much that area looked like the Owens Valley. He said it look like his home town country, Big Timber, Montana. Then we went to look at the map out in the Veggie House dining room, so I could show him where the Owens Valley was. He said his parents had been in California during World War II and when I asked where, he said they were in Victorville. Well that's where I'd lived and gone from kindergarten to high school. So I thought this was a sign that I should get together with him. So we went upstairs to his room he took my ear rings out very gently and put them on the stack of drums. It was like coming home. Mind you it was a very interesting bed because it was a canvas cot. Before going to bed with him I mentioned that I was scared, and he asked me what the worst that could happen was, I said he could break my heart.

Then that next weekend Michael had a heart attack and Vernon helped me out with that, he had been an EMT. He stayed with me that weekend and that's when he introduced me to the shower ritual. I had never really taken a shower with anyone else before and felt I had to rush through it. The ritual consisted of us washing each other, him washing my hair when needed, putting conditioner on, and combing through it. Something his first wife had taught him to do. He also combed my long hair every day, he loved it so much. I never cut it when we were together and now I'm afraid to, because I don't think I'll be attractive enough. I miss those rituals, shades of Raising the Red Lantern. Michael got through the heart attack without surgery or stents he's a stubborn old lad, isn't he?

I spent time going over to Vernon's for cot time, which I made much more comfortable by bringing over a comforter, some blankets, and some pillows. So even when I wasn't there I was making his life more comfortable. Now he has the bedding that we shared in the downstairs room, my bedding, and it is now making it more comfortable for he and Marjori. I'm not sure that I really gave him the bedding (sheets, pillows, comforters) I did ask him to make sure they weren't in that downstairs room as Michael was going to replace the furnace and they would have gotten destroyed because the furnace entrance is through that closet. He still has things in that room, including his trunk full of mementos and two shelves of bike stuff. So even now I am making his life more comfortable and Marjori's too. And he is still part of my life at least at the Pi.

We stayed overnight at his house, Veggie House, the day Obama won the election in 2008. Michael was a bit sad we weren't up at the Pi but hanging out in Veggie House was better. Although Vernon and I weren't really thrilled about Obama, we had voted for Cynthia McKinney.

Then in December I went to the Bay Area for my brother's graduation from San Francisco University and I had a bad MRSA on my leg that I had to get treated in Sacramento so I couldn't go in the hot tub at the fancy hotel. I did tell everyone that I had another boyfriend as well as Michael, my mother wasn't too happy, my aunt was OK. And my mother was suspicious when I ordered spinach instead of lettuce for my salad. Got a watch out when your daughters hanging out with vegetarians or vegans. What strange puppies I bring home!

One time as we were coming down from his room Veggie House I stopped to look in the big mirror that was at the landing on the stairs. It had been a sorority house before and I gave myself kind of a dirty look because I wasn't happy with how I looked. I was about 185 pounds. Vernon said to me you be nice to that woman because I love her. Anyway by the time of the close of the year we had decided that Vernon was going to move up to the Pi in the Sky Ranch with us. We all celebrated by going to the hot springs as it was a Xmas Day ritual that Micheal and I had, he really loved that. He moved in with us in January of 2009.

And I began to relearn how to ride a bicycle and eventually even rode all the way up my hill. My goal was to be able to do that by the time Gretchen got back from sabbatical think around May 2009. I did take a few breaks it's a tough hill, with an 18% grade followed by a 22% grade, the latter is actually easier.

It was very nice to have him there he help me out with Michael's medical issues because Michael had some. He'd had a hip replacement in April 2008 and that was very stressful. Just getting him taken care of appropriately and me not being able to be there all the time was really hard. And I had just started my job at the Unitarian Universalists in Corvallis (UUFC) that March. And after the hip replacement most likely because he been in the hospital he gotten pneumonia I think that was around June 2008. So I was exhausted by all of this by the time of the heart attack.

Anyway Vernon started working on getting the Corvallis bicycle co-op running and I continued getting into the swing of things at my job. It was good to have another person around the house to help with things. I even found a better bicycle at the co-op, a purple Bridgestone, which I came to find out who traveled all over New Zealand and Australia. And we all, Michael he and I, went various places as a trio. We went up to Port Townsend to see Wayne Horvitz and Timothy Young and other people play at their annual New Year's Eve bash. We visited friends, sisters, relatives it was fun. And we all learned how to accommodate each other, especially Michael's being slow on walking.

And when the last of the brother cats, the boys, died he was there to help out with that. And since I couldn't stand living more than four days without a cat in the house I went to the animal shelter got a cat that I thought he would like, she also liked me. Her name was Starfish and still is, but she's referred to as Fishy Cat. She is with him now and I miss her very much. The ferals don't make up for her and because of them I can't have a cat of my own.

He was good with my kids they liked him. He was wonderful with my grandkids. And he was there to help me to commiserate with me about the bad way I was treated by Ryan and his mother when my last grandchild Jackson was born in late June 2010. I never got to hold him that day. I finally did but it is one of the greatest heartbreaks of my life. The reason Ryan's mother didn't want to bring me back down to Albany Corvallis was because Michael was up at a KBOO meeting in Portland anyway. So unslept I had to go to the Lucky Lab and listen to some woman rail against Seth and what he had done horrible at the Green party local chapter that she was in. This issue continues to this day somewhat with folks thinking that Michael Meo should be allowed to continue to represent us as a Green but that's another story.

By then the motion already been set for Bike4Peace 2010 (July 24 through September 22). Seems in a Gmail chat that I invited Cynthia McKinney to come along with us and she did. I got time off work to go on the bike ride and everyone was very supportive. It was really funny when we left the house of Common Sense in Oakland how people there especially the guys were like hot and heavy on Ron and Vernon to take care of Cynthia. But they didn't bother with me because they didn't know that I invited her or because it was a male thing. And when one person asked me why I came on Bike4Peace, (I think it was the woman who got kicked out of KPFA for doing photocopying for her daughter and the police got called but I'm not sure), I told her it was because I was in love with Vernon. This surprised her. But it was a new relationship and I knew if I didn't go on the bike ride the relationship would be over. Also there I got to meet Malcolm X's grandson. Malcolm X had been very important in my life one time when it was really hard,I had read his autobiography and I think it kept me from committing suicide and therefore also made sure that Max was born.

However neither Cynthia nor I were good enough bike riders to continue riding bikes on the trip so the group decided to get a car instead of tandems and Cynthia and I would be in the sag vehicle. I remember crying so much in disappointment in Carson City when we picked up the car because I thought that I'd really failed, that I really wasn't up to the relationship with Vernon because I couldn't ride a bike that good. But in retrospect I don't think the idea of getting tandems would have worked, at least in my tandem experience with Vernon. It doesn't make it any easier to ride up the hill on a tandem. But maybe he never got our tandem in good enough repair for it to really be a real test for me. He has tricks for getting bikes to ride in ways that I never could do because he knows how to futz with a bike. I think the repair and adjustment is better.

Bike4Peace 2010 ended his employment at Cyclotopia and he never really had employment after that much, but he did have funds to contribute to the household and to at least pay for the cell phone bill that we three had as a family together. So things settled into routines. He and I and Max went up to Derek Parrott's living wake in March 2011. Vernon ran into people who had known him and Marjori, this was before they got reacquainted via Facebook. People were still upset with him in the way that he left/divorced her. But he always maintained at least while we were together that it was the right decision and that he was glad he made it.

And sometime around late 2011 early 2012 Zeke needed to move in with us because his roommate who was an Iraqi veteran had gotten screwed over by the VA and Zeke was about to lose his apartment and we didn't want him to have a bad rental record. But it didn't go swimmingly to put it mildly. The room wasn't really prepared for him and the modem was in there so when we had to reset it and had to go in the room Zeke was upset. Also he and Michael didn't get along and upon leaving he would never come back into the house when Michael was there and won't come in my house when Michael's around, ever. It is the major reason why I left Michael.

2012 brought many opportunities and many challenges, it was a very hard year. One of the opportunities was the ELAW Public Interest Environmental Law Conference in Eugene in March. Vernon had convinced the organizers to have a panel on Biking for Peace. The panelists were, Cynthia McKinney, Ron Toppi, Michele Darr, and him. Cynthia flew out for the event and she, Michele, Vernon, and I rode from Corvallis to Eugene (a very nice bike ride, especially with a stop at the Mennonite Bakery on Peoria Road). Ron took the train in from Chico. We had just had snow and were cycling with snow still at the sides of the road.The panel was interesting and Cynthia also participated in another couple of panels. Vernon and I stayed at my son, Max's in Eugene, Cynthia was hosted by a family, Ron stayed at a conference organizers house and I think Michele stayed with friends. The conference was hard on Ron since he couldn't bring his bike on the Amtrak at Chico and had to rent/borrow one, also his hosts weren't available to let him into their house when he needed to because they were organizing an evening event.

The ELAW Conference was also when Cynthia mentioned that she was thinking of running for senate in Georgia on the Green Party ticket. And over a discussion along the bike path in Eugene Michele and Vernon crafted a plan to make that happen. Vernon ended up going out to Atlanta to help out on that, sadly the effort failed. I missed him so much and I think that's when I finally went through the change. I was so emotional. And then when he came back our household almost fell apart due to the interactions between him and Michael.

I also got involved in Green politics on the statewide level and was selected to be a delegate to the Green National Convention in 2012 back in the Baltimore area. It was really cool to get to see my brother and sister-in-law's house and visit with my nephew. But the convention was very demanding physically and I didn't sleep well as my roommate insisted on having a light on at night.

After the convention, I came back to Harvest and Ryan and the kids needing to move in with us because they were getting evicted. So from July 2012 to around Labor Day of 2012 we had Zeke living in one bedroom and Harvest and her family living in the downstairs living room which was the music room where all the drums and my saxes were. Seems they had been evicted because rent hadn't been paid due to Ryan's drug habit. Sadly in that process Ryan stole from both Vernon and me. Money from Vernon that he'd earned while working for Cynthia and from me, he almost stole my alto sax, and did steal my inheritance of silver dollars from my grandmother Brooks (I did take him to court for the latter). Finally Harvest and the kids got to move into Sunflower House and stay there I think for a good nine months until they got an apartment in Albany. That lasted for a good couple so years until Ryan moved back in and did the same thing all over. Man did he sell a lot of her stuff that last time, some of it was stuff I'd gotten for her. She ended up in another homeless shelter and I guess he's back on the straight narrow or whatever you want to call it. They do have a rental house and are together again. We'll see.

Also that's the time when Marjori came to visit us just after all that happened in September of 2012. Vernon still thought he had made the right decision after the visit (to divorce her). However the whole time she referred to him as her husband!

2012 was so horrible, I also came to find out that I was almost fired then. I don't know what I would have done without the women who put on the annual UUFC Rummage Sale as I went through the whole Ryan/Harvest thing. Also I think that's when my lower back began to act up so much that I couldn't get out of bed or walk and when I got plantar fasciitis.

Anyway Zeke finally got out of the house in 2013 and found a better place where he is now and we reclaimed the room for Vernon because he was having a night job working at the Homeless Shelter also known as the Cold Men's Shelter. I got him a good mattress (the one I have now) and put up black window coverings so he could sleep during the day. They didn't hire him back for next year.

So around late 2012 I decided to check Facebook out for classmates from my high school and then also Bishop. That ended up in me attending my 40 year reunion and getting acquainted with Paya, the movie about the Paiute irrigation systems in the Owens Valley before my settler ancestors arrived. And I also found out about one of the massacres that happened, this one at Owens Lake that had included my great grandfather, Alney McGee. I'd always thought the McGees were Irish, but they were Scots who scabbed for the Brits in Northern Ireland. So they had very bad history. Also, the LADWP was wanting to build a Solar Ranch right across the highway from Manzanar (where my uncle, an orphan of seven, was interred). The site for the Solar Ranch was on my great grandparents' ranch that they had had to sell to the DWP. So I felt the ancestors calling me back to the Owens Valley. Vernon went with me to the 45th Anniversary of the Manzanar Pilgrimage in April of 2014. I wanted to show him the Owens Valley. He thought it was too dry for him and also that all my friends were too middle class. Although he did talk about a good place to set up a bike coop in Independence.

So we returned home and I kept abreast of Owens Valley activities. One that interested me was the Walking Water Pilgrimage, a three year journey from Mono Lake to Los Angeles to highlight the loss of Owens Valley water to LA. I joined the pilgrimage for the first leg, which was from the headwaters of Lee Vining Creek, one of the creeks that feeds Mono Lake, through to Owens Lake, the lake that LA dried up. That journey went from September 1st through the 22nd 2015. My last day at the UUFC was August 25th, I took the train that afternoon down to Sacramento where my brother and sister-in-law live. I got down to my friends' house in Round Valley a couple of days before the walk, and the night before the walk was supposed to start my cousin called offering me a place to live should I really be wanting to come back to Bishop/Owens Valley. It's an old Forest Service single wide and is where I live now.

And later in the summer of 2014 Marjori was having break from her schooling, he wanted to go up and see her but she wasn't comfortable with that and he didn't go. He did remark in 2012 about her coming down and him having to pay for her her fare about how crazy he thought that was. And then in 2014 he did start talking about her joining our household. Well for a reasons I won't go into that would have ended our having sex. And that was very hurtful, but since that didn't happen we continued on, however it ruined the sense of oneness I felt with him, something I'd never felt with anyone before.

In the meantime he got involved in the ballot measure 2-89 in Benton County which would've banned GMO's being grown there. And he tried to get hired at the Bike Coop but they didn't hire him. He'd started the whole danged venture! His working on the 2-89 campaign ended him playing with my band and I just could't bear to play without him there so I also quit.

After Walking Water I spent three weeks with my parents at their house in Big Bear Lake helping them get things ready for their move into a care facility in the Sacramento area and came back to Bishop for a couple of weeks to interview for jobs and oversee my place getting ready for move in (which didn't really happen much). I returned to Corvallis on November 1st and spent a month getting packed and ready to move down to Bishop. We rented a 20 foot Uhaul, and I did need all that space. Vernon went with me and drove. We had to go down the coast of Oregon and down to Bakersfield/Mojave to get up 395 because I5 and 395 were undriveable due to the snows. When we got there on Thanksgiving Day, the trailer still wasn't ready, the carpet hadn't been replaced (it had tarry skid marks on it) and there wasn't a working refrigerator. So we had to keep the Uhaul for an extra day until those things could be completed (they didn't charge us for any of this). It was very difficult, moving is difficult enough. Vernon mentioned that folks in other situations would be happy to have the space. I guess I'm not worth decent flooring or a working refrigerator, how materialistic of me. So we got enough moved in and settled so that we could put up the bed and sleep there, we'd been sleeping at my cousin's.

So I sent him back up to Corvallis on November 30th, he thanked me for letting him help because it made him feel better knowing where I was. Also at one time when my parents were visiting Corvallis he thanked them for me. On one of those visits I was so very visibly in love with him that my mother was worried. She didn't think that he was a good deal because he'd had three divorces. Well I think divorce comes with the territory when you're my age.

I cashed out a pension that I didn't know about from HP to move down here. But those funds have been depleted in the move and subsequent getting the house up to snuff. The kitchen needed revamping somewhat, when I moved in it only had one six inch wide drawer and needed more cupboards and storage (at least I brought my wicker for the meantime). And my furniture needed recovering after 43 years. At least there's no hangman drawings on it any more. And there were a few other storage solutions needed.

Around mid-April 2016 my debit card got hacked and I needed funds to go to my parents and to a medical appointment for my hemochromatosis that I found out I had via my Aunt Charlotte having it. I got from Michael what funds he could offer for my trip and I needed some more so I asked Vernon. He was pretty cranky about it. So when he made the announcements on Facebook about Marjori and him I was hesitant to call him. The announcements made me feel that I had been totally erased from his timeline. After Bike4Peace 2010 he didn't really have employment and we, Michael and I, were the main support for the household. Yes he did get me a Mac Mini and an IPad somewhere around 2013, I think, because the old Windows '98 machine was a great frustration to me and he was sad about that. He'd said that that was what money was for. So I was very surprised by his crankiness about my need for a bit of money in April (I think it was around $150).

I wish he'd called me before the announcements, I would have been prepared and would have felt that I wasn't erased. But he just said that he didn't have much computer time and that it was somebodyelses' story. I had been fairly sanguine about him and Marjori prior to the announcements, I even didn't get upset when Michael told me that Vernon had come and gotten the tandem, because I'm sure they would be needing it.

Anyway I posted some of my thoughts about the announcements and had a long chat with his sister, Lois. Also others said that they cringed when they read his announcement about being apart from Marjori for twelve years and I wasn't acknowledged. Others said when I told them about why he didn't post anything about me, that their estimation of him had been lowered. I have just noticed now that his sister has unfriended me on Facebook, but his brother, Ted, friended me? So I have lost family over this. Yes I'm upset.

He asked how long I was going to be mad at him, and couldn't I just remember the good times? Well this post is an effort to at least do the latter. I am still very saddened about the former. And I expected him to be more understanding about my anger over the former. It is hard to find out that a friendship and a bit of life lived together can be so disregarded. Also we had talked about him coming down to visit when Reenie and John Gandalf were coming down to visit friends in Alpine County (just a couple of counties to the north of Bishop). He said I'd have to pay for him. And I'd hoped that he'd see that he really did miss me. Alas.

So I'm here in Bishop trying to get employed, but so far I've not been selected for any of the teams I've applied for. Also I'm not quite getting the opportunities to work on land/water rights restoration that I thought I'd be very involved in by coming back here. And I've not had companionship either, he has had some, before Marjori's first visit to Cigamland. One of our friends (a companion) even wanted to get my take on Majori visiting her place, Cigamland, is her property where he is staying.

You know I only saw him cry twice, once when he came back from his brother Dan's memorial in April of 2010 and then again one night after his mom's death in 2011.

I don't know when they will be completely together/married again, he and Marjori. He talks about them having long conversations about it and that there is the “materialism” thing that will have to be gotten over. I guess that means that he isn't thinking of being employed to help support her. Or will they even have a place to live other than the one room place that Vernon is in now at Cigamland? Strange he did get employment after I left, some but not much. Well I'm not throwing his things over the fence and I'm hoping this will at least explain to him how I feel.

In some ways I feel that I had an eight year long affair with a married man. And it is the first time I've ever obsessed about the ending of a relationship. I was so generous with him, financially especially. I believe I made his life better and he did mine during the time we were together, but as you know I feel so erased now from his life. And I didn't expect that from him. He touts himself as being better than that. I remember one Day of the Dead Service at the UUFC, they had made butterflies everyone had gotten one. He fluttered his butterfly over my head and made everyone laugh, especially those in the choir. I still have that butterfly.

And I don't know what will happen with Micheal and me. I did make a promise to be with him forever, but I'm not sure I can keep that. Michael seems to just want me to come take care of him and that is a tall order. Plus there are other financial things going on with the house so I'm not sure if there will be any resources with him. But in honor of non-erasure, he and I were together for twenty-eight years. Strange that my marriage to and being with Russell also lasted only eight years as did the relationship with Vernon.

Maybe the Owens Valley is not the answer for me, Corvallis definitely isn't for me or Michael anymore. At one point we had thought to move to Greece after my kids graduated high school. I think that was hard on them, especially Max. And when that dream died it was hard to know what to replace it with. I was very despairing about that as it was something that we'd predicated a lot of financial decisions on and those decisions led to me needing to declare bankruptcy. And I need a reason in my life, that was the reason then. Somehow getting involved with Vernon helped put some reason back in my life with all the things I got involved in with him.

I'm not sure what the reason is now, but that has nothing to do with Vernon, it has to do with how things have happened here. I know my cousin is happy I'm here and I'm helping her with things, but I've yet to be able to pay her rent and unemployment was denied, so I'm only on foodstamps with getting some money from cashing out a bit more pension and from Michael. It is tough. And it is saddening to not have anyone to share this beautiful valley with. I am glad to hear the crickets again, however.

Friday, May 31, 2013

A Short Bio

3 kids, 3 grandkids, 2 partners. Live at the Pi in the Sky Ranch-base of Dimple Hill, Corvallis. 3 saxes: alto-Mick Angela, tenor-Keith Anne, soprano-Charlie Louise; drummer & kit, chickens, Starfish kitty, & mathematician (Michael).

My favorite house (1940 Cedar) just around the corner from Ginsberg's “Strange New Cottage in Berkeley”, pg. 55 “Collected Works”. When signing my copy he said, “You know how to use a book.” Because I used the table of contents.

Painting “Oregon Wheatfield” 1933—William Skinner (my great uncle) hangs in my living room. Maybe just painted down the hill from the Pi. A present to my grandparents, on the back it says, “If you don't like this one throw it away & I'll send you another.”

Been playing sax since the day my granddaughter was born. Shared beers with Donovan after Britt Festival, Derroll Adams son was there too. DonOH gave me two hugs, said I should choose one sax, oh well.

Did Bike4Peace 2010 with former congresswoman Cynthia McKinney-I invited her. Hope to cycle over Sonora Pass retracing my great grandfather's journey to Bishop after the Gold Rush. Bike's name is Violetta, tandem is Pamela Jo. Vernon's (drummer) is Phrank. I can now cycle up my hill.

My unpublished poetry collection “Passionata et Materna” hasn't been eaten by computers.

SciFi, UUism, theology, Coltrane (the church of too), Malcolm X (young Malcolm you are gone from us way too soon), Bowie, Violet Blue, Knox Bronson, Julianne Assange, Bradley Manning, & Roseanne rock. Corporations are NOT persons. LADWP rehydrate Owens Lake and the Valley! 

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

OWS Reflections Sunday, October 9 After Waking from a Night's Not Sleeping

OWS Reflections Sunday, October 9 After Waking from a Night's Not Sleeping
by Yaney LA MacIver, Sweet Heart of the Valley, Pi in the Sky Ranch on Dimple Hill

Forgive us our debts
as we forgive our debtors. (Repeat often as chant.)
This is said each week in churches around the globe.
Dear Wall Street we will forgive you the bailout
as you forgive us our loans.
We will all forgive any loans to anyone.

How can we do this safely?
Certainly we have the minds to test this locally.
Would the minds still maintain the inherited elite?
What do we do with them? Like the monarchs of Europe,
they could be there for ceremonial purposes?
What are their insights into “running” the world that would be useful for the rest of us to know?

And certainly they know how to amass great resources to achieve great things. Those resources should now be available for the rest of us. Our governments, likewise. Perhaps they are one in the same?

Could we as one Occupier from Portland on KBOO said recently, become the 100% a whole planet, a whole planet, a whole planet?

Forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us. (Repeat often as chant.)
The other version of what is said in churches around the world.

Forgive us our incursions, our wars, our imperial occupations, our crimes.
As we forgive you. Yours against our persons, against our countries, against our tribe, village, the color of our skin, our religion, our sexualities, our gender.

Bring the troops home in every land, from every land.
Release the prisoners to home or treatment facilities.

Dismantle the war machines.
Clean up the toxins of the air, the land, the water.
Homes for all, food for all, health care for all, free schooling.
Rebuild our world in cooperation with nature; cleanly and beautifully.

Create the temples of humankind to celebrate the divine and human in every village.
So that people will now be able to provide for their families and communities.
To be able to create joy of life and celebration in art, music, dance, stories. etc.
To mourn at the passings and to gracefully care for their young, elderly, and infirm.
To give youth meaning, to assist families, to TERRAFORM the Earth.

TERRAFORM the Earth, Occupy the planet. Occupy your home, your life.

Revision 11/16/11

Friday, July 29, 2011

KBOO Board of Directors Candidate Statement--Yaney LA MacIver

Dear Fellow KBOO Members,

I love KBOO and am asking for your vote and election to the KBOO Board of Directors. With over 35 years in community organizing, previous KBOO Board, and decades of non-profit experience: as an employee, engaged member, and valued volunteer; I will be an excellent and resourceful KBOO Board member.

KBOO is at a crossroads now that it is over 40 years old as evidenced by the newly released Strategic Plan, requests to implement a Collective Staff Management process, concerns about board member training, and revenues that are not meeting expenses. In fact just this weekend, KBOO’s board is having a budget retreat to examine its own “debt ceiling” as is our country. Both may require us all to make some serious adjustments. Decisions made at this meeting will challenge the newly elected board; I am ready for that challenge.

I applaud and am excited by the vision in the Strategic Plan of the KBOO as a media center, the strengthening of volunteer and staff training and development, and the focus on radio excellence.

I am concerned with some implementation strategies. How will selling off the translator frequencies in Corvallis and Hood River assist in providing funds for an expansion of KBOO as a media center for the PDX Metro Area? (According to the Strategic Plan these decisions will be made in executive session without member input/approval!) As far as I can tell by member numbers in the translator communities these communities are more than fully funding the translators’ expenses (some members even have KBOO in their wills). In my own community, Corvallis, a 1000 people come together to raise $20,000 more than enough for our translator’s costs (a project in which I was a main organizer).

What other assets do we/KBOO have that might be better utilized to spread KBOO’s light/voice/vision to other communities in Oregon/SW Washington, instead of being sold off—such as Pendleton—(near where a prison is located that houses many of Portland’s incarcerated). Will the owner/members of this new station, KBLU, rebroadcast Prison Pipeline for those inmates and their families? What about other KBOO content, will this new station exhibit KBOO values, etc.?

To be fully vibrant we need a mix of terrestrial and electronic outreach. The internet is not fully assured as capitalist forces are seeking to commandeer it for their own interests.

Hence we need a board that can compassionately and creatively address these financial, outreach, and development issues. I believe that my experience in all aspects of nonprofits (including as a nonprofit employee) will enable me to be strong and understanding leader for KBOO. So I ask all my friends in the Peace and Justice communities (Portland/Regionally), those in TranslatorLand, and all lovers of KBOO to vote for me—and then please click the tip jar—tell them I sent you!

Thanks and love,

The SweetheartoftheValley (, trysaxy_all—Twitter, 541-829-9788—Pi in the Sky Ranch, on Dimple Hill in Corvallis—7/29/11

Yaney LA MacIver

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Toto I Don't Think We're in Colorado Anymore

Sunday, 8/22, Haswell, CO

Well the grasshoppers are quieting down as I wait for the cyclists. They are just out of town. No cell service, no internet—but a fully charged laptop—hence a few minutes. They are cycling from just down the road apiece. Annie will be first. The others are basically together. A call was made from Vernon when they were in Sugar City saying there were no services. This we, Cynthia and I, took to mean that they had no food or water and that we had to hurry to get them sustenance.

So there was concern, but the concern was mitigated or suspended because we had to get Cynthia to the airport to go home as her house had been burgled the night before. What exactly had been taken we didn’t know, but seems her new laptop, hard drive (with her book on it), a big screen TV, and a CD player from her son’s room, but not the peripherals to some of those things such as new and expensive cables, likewise speakers. It will remain to be seen what exactly is gone, seems some lights in the house weren’t working either, but they may be just non-working bulbs.

Anyway two of the cyclists have arrived and we are talking about the Obama and the CIA. And they are talking about the merry-go-round at the Haswell City Park. Now they are all here and talking about heading on to Eads for the night; perhaps the Travelers Lodge, maybe the city park.

Tuesday, 8/24
, Leoti, KS

Well more time to catch up. We crossed into Kansas yesterday and into Central Time. This past evening we spent at the High Plains Motel in Leoti, KS; a nice place with a full complimentary breakfast. I got up with the cyclists to have breakfast and to make sure I didn’t sleep in as I had yesterday to the “late” hour of 9:00 AM! By the time I finally left Eads, CO Scott and Annie had made it to Tribune, KS and they also beat me to the hotel in Leoti, but that was just a block and bikes are faster than cars in town.

Vernon and I went to the Mexican restaurant in town (Charlie's Mexican Restaurant). I had gorditias with homemade gordo tortillas. They were wonderful. The excitement happened when a lad leaned his chair back into the lattice screen sending it into our table, twice. No Tecate was spilled in the process, but a few bits of dried plant material ended up on Vernon’s beard.


I have gotten some chances to ride. I rode the first bit to Monarch Pass from Gunnison, CO (a town with another Toggery—like my home town Bishop, CA) on Wednesday, August 18th as we thought we were just going to Sargents, CO that day. It was a very nice ride and wonderful to be cycling with Vernon again. We originally thought we'd "take" Monarch Pass the next day, but with the weather so nice it was decided to go for it. So the cyclists headed up and out. And Cynthia and I continued in the vehicle to Poncha Springs were we booked in at the Rocky Mountain Lodge. After unpacking the car, settling things into the room, and getting a few celebratory six packs of microbrews and a bottle of wine; I got back on my bike to meet the riders. Well they were just about around the corner at Mimi’s an Eastern and Western Food and Ice Cream Stand at the corner of US 285 and US 50. Vernon bought me a green tea ice cream cone. Yummy and we rode back to the hotel.

Vernon and I had a nice cabin with a kitchen. It was so wonderful to have a space to ourselves (other than the tent) and a real kitchen. I think the latter is what I miss most about home. As to the former; we try to keep expenses low for all so many times we’re in a room with all six of us (or five as it is now). Many times tho the hotel/motel owners/managers will not let us be in a room with more than five due to fire regulations. And when Vernon sets up the tent, he always sets it up facing east. Hence the sun does get me up early, not only with its bright light, but with its heat. And he does this even on rest days, as he did while we were “resting” at Celeste’s in Pueblo.

And I rode part of the way to Pueblo, from Westcliffe to Wetmore. In Westcliffe we stayed at the Grape Creek RV Camp in two cabins (missed making a real dinner that night as the thunderstorms started in just as I was about to cook). It was wonderful to go to the Visitor’s Center/Chamber of Commerce in Westcliffe and have the woman working there assist us in finding a place to stay. They regularly keep track of what is available and she even called around for us. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case in Gunnison, where I had to make all the calls and I wasn’t even afforded a place to sit down to make them! Such service faux pas are particularly frustrating to me as that is my profession. And they lost the sale of an apron there at that Visitor's Center in Gunnison. Alas.

The ride from Westcliffe to Wetmore was wonderful—the uphill part that is. The downhill was a bit scary; many twists and turns (nothing like downhills on highway 34 from Alsea, OR or on Carson Pass—those I like). At one point I felt like I was going to slide out. And I took seriously the slow downs of 30 and 35 mph on some of the curves. Now Vernon kept insisting I get off my brakes, oh well honey, I didn’t. He’s been riding longer and knows his bike more. Sorry if you were burning your brakes out following me—there’s a spare set in my now non-handlebar bag along with the clothespins and the line.

We had arranged to meet Celeste at the City Park in Pueblo, Yeyo and I found our way there (Yeyo being sick that day had decided to join Cynthia and me in the car). I went too fast over a speed bump and dislodged the bike rack—the bikes were fine and Scott readjusted the rack, but I was a bit nervous about putting anymore weight on the rack so I left my bike chained up to the fence at the entrance of the park before I went to get Cynthia and Vernon. Yeyo rode on to a Mexican restaurant at the corner of Pueblo and Thatcher where we decided the new meeting place would be. When I got to Cynthia and Vernon, Bob Kinsey (running for Senate for the Greens) had caught up with them. He’d come from Colorado Springs.

In Pueblo, we were hosted at a potluck by the Colorado Greens at the Unitarian Universalist Church in Pueblo. We got press from the local paper (Ex-lawmaker takes on new venture). Both Bob and Gary Swing (running for Colorado District One’s Congressional seat—also on the Green ticket) were at the potluck. Gary’s line is to solicit the “swing” voters. I love it—who says Greens don’t have a sense of humor! I also had fun, perusing the UU and gathering their information to take back to the “office”. I did get a chance to ride in Pueblo. Vernon, Annie, Scott, and I rode from the Mexican restaurant to Celeste’s house after retrieving my bike. And from Celeste’s Yeyo, Vernon, and I rode back and forth to the potluck. Each time we got lost in different way—but we ended up where we were going by following the canal.

Continuing Thoughts

Each of these towns that we pass through, seem to be facing challenges of staying afloat. Many boarded up buildings, some towns with only one restaurant or hotel where there had been many. I still see the similarities between the shuttering of rural America and the shuttering of places like in Oakland in the downtown and along San Pablo Ave. What will come to all these places? What will come to your town? What will we all do about it together?