2008
Drums/Twitter—August
25, 2008” @VernonHuffman
what kind of drums
and why aren't you playing with our band?”
Google
Chat—October 17, 2008
10:02
PM me: hi ya. Did you enjoy playing with the group last
night? it was fun to hear you on the timpanis.
10:56
PMVernon: It was a bit like going back to my school days,
Yaney, and I'm not one who generally longs for that, but it was
interesting. Most intriguing point in the evening was the kiss.
11:11
PM me: Well, I wasn't sure how you felt about that. Still a
bit hesitant after your ex neighbour. Are you going to the pink
painting party--do you have congas?
Over
to his place—October 18, 2008
Michael
Heart Attack—October 24-27, 2008
Hot
Springs Xmas Day—2008
2009
Moved
in January
2010
Dan
Death—April 23, 2010
2011
Mom
Death—January 16, 2011—Service in Rapid City SD January 19, 2011
Mom's
Service Oregon UCC Hillsboro—Date ??
Derek
Wake—March 17-19, 2011
Boulder—July
1-17, 2011
2012
ELAW—March
2012
Working
for Cynthia—April 10, 2012-June 13, 2012 (bad day?)
Green
Convention—July 10-16, 2012
V
Family Gathering—July 12-16, 2012 Shared bus back from
Seattle/Portland
Harvest
and Co—July 19-August 27/September 3, 2012
Counseling—August
30 through December 8, 2012
2013
Harvest
move in to new apt—March 15, 2013
Max
Graduation UO—June 17, 2013
Zeke
Move Out—September 2, 2013
Charlie
and Julia Wedding—October 19, 2013 (Vernon, Michael and I went)
Y
Paya Berkeley—November 20-23, 2013
2014
Shelter
night work—November 2013-March 2014
Owens
Valley Visit/Manzanar 45—April 22-29, 2014
Marjori
Break—June 13-July 29, 2014
2015
2-89—January
13-May 19, 2015 end of him playing with the CNHB
Walking
Water—August 25-November 1, 2015
Moving
Days—November 22-30, 2015 (last day November 30)
2016
May
9 (I saw May 11) and May 16—Marjori announcements
So
I followed my MySpace crush on Twitter and from there I got
acquainted with Vernon and found out that he needed space to store
his rather large drum set. So since we, Michael and I, had space in
the basement and because he was part of a group of people that are my
friends I thought we could help him out.
I
had already met him somewhere around February 2007. He was helping
Michele Darr put on a PeaceWorker training through the Rural
Organizing Project/Code Pink and was taking notes at the very first
meeting. Michele and I have known each other when I worked at Oregon
PeaceWorks and she knew I was a good organizer so I got tapped for a
lot to put into that training. And in one of our early conversations
he and I had, I said, “I would like to see you ride up my hill.”
What a line!
He
and Michele went on a bike ride for six months in 2006 called
Catalysts of Hope. The ride took them across country through the
South; up to St. Louis, and over to DC where they arrived for World
Car Free Day and a few other things. That said, and as I've said
before it was a crucial time for me as I just left Oregon PeaceWorks
and was trying to get back into Corvallis and Michele had just had
two little kids, and I had a new granddaughter, and I hoped that
they/we could get together, and it could be kind of a normal thing
that I would be mom or grandmother like. It was a hard return to
Corvallis, alas.
I
may have met him earlier when he came to talk with Peter about
canvassing for Oregon PeaceWorks (between 2003 and 2005) but it
would've been a brief meeting as he was probably leaving after
talking to Peter and I was just coming to work. Seems that the
Seattle area had the first Give Peace a Dance, that he was
instrumental in. As many of you know that was one of Oregon
PeaceWorks main fundraisers and I think we continued the tradition
after it left the Seattle area. So our paths had been intersecting.
Anyway
so we met after my offer to him to have a place to store his drums or
set them up actually. It took a while for him to ride up the hill to
check out the place. But when he did it was a day that I had the
worst back shoulder ache ever and I was asleep on the ottoman when he
came up. I apologized for being so. We went downstairs for him to
check out the drum space and he did it by clapping I can't remember
what he called it maybe the echo maybe something else. But he decided
that the space would work for his drums acoustically. We sat and
chatted for a while in the space and then for some reason we ended up
going into the computer room to look up something online. That's when
he started rubbing my shoulders and oh Lord the God's were talking to
me and he was getting a bit excited himself. However that's as far as
it got that night.
But
any rate being the good community person and hostess that I am I
tried to get him to be able to play drums with various groups. One
group was a little ad hoc jazz group that was playing music in the
gazebo at Central Park. He didn't really get there in time because he
was helping Michele out with some car problems that she was having
off in Lebanon. But he did get there at the end and helped me carry
my real heavy soprano sax case back to the car. That's when we
discovered that he had (and Marjori) been next-door neighbors to my
other Langley crush, Derek Parrott who really broke my heart. So I
did put out some feelers to Langley friends to find out what kind of
a guy he might be etc. Sometime around then I went to hear him when
he was playing at the second Saturday event for the Homeless Shelter
and it was nice to dance to is drumming. He was very appreciative
that I danced to him/them.
The
other band I was playing with (kinda called it a middle-aged middle
school band), was the Corvallis New Horizons Band and they laughed at
me when I said I had a drummer friend who might want to join us. I
didn't understand why everybody else could say I have a friend that
can play XYZ, like a clarinet or a flute, please bring them. But not
a drummer I guess. However he did ride over to check out the band and
the next week he came and played with us. We were doing band practice
in a middle school band room. It was so good to have a real drummer
playing with us especially since there were timpanis and hearing them
played was just wonderful. After band practice we went and chatted a
lot outside in the parking lot and walked around to the back of the
gym and I kissed him. Was very nice, kind a like when I was younger,
and those kisses that we had back then. That was October 16th,
2008.
On
October 18, 2008 we were chatting on MySpace, I think since I can't
seem to find the records in Gmail. And I told him to go slow, adagio.
Well about fifteen minutes later I said to myself Yaney he's not in
Oakland or in Portland he's only ten minutes away go check it out. So
I went down to Veggie House where he lived. We went to the Thai
restaurant around the corner and had a wonderful meal and I had
leftovers which had meat in it, oh no, but he let me put them in the
Veggie House refrigerator anyway. On the walk there to the Thai
restaurant we walked past a portable storage unit, a POD, and he said
something about how he wished he had one of those and that's what he
would live in and just move it from wherever he wanted to go
especially to Dar es Salaam, oh no! Oh well shades of Russell and all
my ex hippie boy friends who wanted to live in a tipi or a tent. Also
I mentioned how sketchy my body was, I was in pain most of the time
this from un-recovered stress from working at Oregon PeaceWorks and
driving my then 79 VW van back-and-forth to Salem. He was very
concerned about what I said about my body.
Then
we got talking about a picture on calendar that was up at the Veggie
House kitchen wall. There was a picture of Bolivia where people were
fighting for their water rights and I said how much that area looked
like the Owens Valley. He said it look like his home town country,
Big Timber, Montana. Then we went to look at the map out in the
Veggie House dining room, so I could show him where the Owens Valley
was. He said his parents had been in California during World War II
and when I asked where, he said they were in Victorville. Well that's
where I'd lived and gone from kindergarten to high school. So I
thought this was a sign that I should get together with him. So we
went upstairs to his room he took my ear rings out very gently and
put them on the stack of drums. It was like coming home. Mind you it
was a very interesting bed because it was a canvas cot. Before going
to bed with him I mentioned that I was scared, and he asked me what
the worst that could happen was, I said he could break my heart.
Then
that next weekend Michael had a heart attack and Vernon helped me out
with that, he had been an EMT. He stayed with me that weekend and
that's when he introduced me to the shower ritual. I had never really
taken a shower with anyone else before and felt I had to rush through
it. The ritual consisted of us washing each other, him washing my
hair when needed, putting conditioner on, and combing through it.
Something his first wife had taught him to do. He also combed my long
hair every day, he loved it so much. I never cut it when we were
together and now I'm afraid to, because I don't think I'll be
attractive enough. I miss those rituals, shades of Raising the Red
Lantern. Michael got through the heart attack without surgery or
stents he's a stubborn old lad, isn't he?
I
spent time going over to Vernon's for cot time, which I made
much more comfortable by bringing over a comforter, some blankets,
and some pillows. So even when I wasn't there I was making his life
more comfortable. Now he has the bedding that we shared in the
downstairs room, my bedding, and it is now making it more comfortable
for he and Marjori. I'm not sure that I really gave him the bedding
(sheets, pillows, comforters) I did ask him to make sure they weren't
in that downstairs room as Michael was going to replace the furnace
and they would have gotten destroyed because the furnace entrance is
through that closet. He still has things in that room, including his
trunk full of mementos and two shelves of bike stuff. So even now I
am making his life more comfortable and Marjori's too. And he is
still part of my life at least at the Pi.
We
stayed overnight at his house, Veggie House, the day Obama won the
election in 2008. Michael was a bit sad we weren't up at the Pi but
hanging out in Veggie House was better. Although Vernon and I weren't
really thrilled about Obama, we had voted for Cynthia McKinney.
Then
in December I went to the Bay Area for my brother's graduation from
San Francisco University and I had a bad MRSA on my leg that I had to
get treated in Sacramento so I couldn't go in the hot tub at the
fancy hotel. I did tell everyone that I had another boyfriend as well
as Michael, my mother wasn't too happy, my aunt was OK. And my mother
was suspicious when I ordered spinach instead of lettuce for my
salad. Got a watch out when your daughters hanging out with
vegetarians or vegans. What strange puppies I bring home!
One
time as we were coming down from his room Veggie House I stopped to
look in the big mirror that was at the landing on the stairs. It had
been a sorority house before and I gave myself kind of a dirty look
because I wasn't happy with how I looked. I was about 185 pounds.
Vernon said to me you be nice to that woman because I love her.
Anyway by the time of the close of the year we had decided that
Vernon was going to move up to the Pi in the Sky Ranch with us. We
all celebrated by going to the hot springs as it was a Xmas Day
ritual that Micheal and I had, he really loved that. He moved in with
us in January of 2009.
And
I began to relearn how to ride a bicycle and eventually even rode all
the way up my hill. My goal was to be able to do that by the time
Gretchen got back from sabbatical think around May 2009. I did take a
few breaks it's a tough hill, with an 18% grade followed by a 22%
grade, the latter is actually easier.
It
was very nice to have him there he help me out with Michael's medical
issues because Michael had some. He'd had a hip replacement in April
2008 and that was very stressful. Just getting him taken care of
appropriately and me not being able to be there all the time was
really hard. And I had just started my job at the Unitarian
Universalists in Corvallis (UUFC) that March. And after the hip
replacement most likely because he been in the hospital he gotten
pneumonia I think that was around June 2008. So I was exhausted by
all of this by the time of the heart attack.
Anyway
Vernon started working on getting the Corvallis bicycle co-op running
and I continued getting into the swing of things at my job. It was
good to have another person around the house to help with things. I
even found a better bicycle at the co-op, a purple Bridgestone, which
I came to find out who traveled all over New Zealand and Australia.
And we all, Michael he and I, went various places as a trio. We went
up to Port Townsend to see Wayne Horvitz and Timothy Young and other
people play at their annual New Year's Eve bash. We visited friends,
sisters, relatives it was fun. And we all learned how to accommodate
each other, especially Michael's being slow on walking.
And
when the last of the brother cats, the boys, died he was there to
help out with that. And since I couldn't stand living more than four
days without a cat in the house I went to the animal shelter got a
cat that I thought he would like, she also liked me. Her name was
Starfish and still is, but she's referred to as Fishy Cat. She is
with him now and I miss her very much. The ferals don't make up for
her and because of them I can't have a cat of my own.
He
was good with my kids they liked him. He was wonderful with my
grandkids. And he was there to help me to commiserate with me about
the bad way I was treated by Ryan and his mother when my last
grandchild Jackson was born in late June 2010. I never got to hold
him that day. I finally did but it is one of the greatest heartbreaks
of my life. The reason Ryan's mother didn't want to bring me back
down to Albany Corvallis was because Michael was up at a KBOO meeting
in Portland anyway. So unslept I had to go to the Lucky Lab and
listen to some woman rail against Seth and what he had done horrible
at the Green party local chapter that she was in. This issue
continues to this day somewhat with folks thinking that Michael Meo
should be allowed to continue to represent us as a Green but that's
another story.
By
then the motion already been set for Bike4Peace 2010 (July 24 through
September 22). Seems in a Gmail chat that I invited Cynthia McKinney
to come along with us and she did. I got time off work to go on the
bike ride and everyone was very supportive. It was really funny when
we left the house of Common Sense in Oakland how people there
especially the guys were like hot and heavy on Ron and Vernon to take
care of Cynthia. But they didn't bother with me because they didn't
know that I invited her or because it was a male thing. And when one
person asked me why I came on Bike4Peace, (I think it was the woman
who got kicked out of KPFA for doing photocopying for her daughter
and the police got called but I'm not sure), I told her it was
because I was in love with Vernon. This surprised her. But it was a
new relationship and I knew if I didn't go on the bike ride the
relationship would be over. Also there I got to meet Malcolm X's
grandson. Malcolm X had been very important in my life one time when
it was really hard,I had read his autobiography and I think it kept
me from committing suicide and therefore also made sure that Max was
born.
However
neither Cynthia nor I were good enough bike riders to continue riding
bikes on the trip so the group decided to get a car instead of
tandems and Cynthia and I would be in the sag vehicle. I remember
crying so much in disappointment in Carson City when we picked up the
car because I thought that I'd really failed, that I really wasn't up
to the relationship with Vernon because I couldn't ride a bike that
good. But in retrospect I don't think the idea of getting tandems
would have worked, at least in my tandem experience with Vernon. It
doesn't make it any easier to ride up the hill on a tandem. But maybe
he never got our tandem in good enough repair for it to really be a
real test for me. He has tricks for getting bikes to ride in ways
that I never could do because he knows how to futz with a bike. I
think the repair and adjustment is better.
Bike4Peace
2010 ended his employment at Cyclotopia and he never really had
employment after that much, but he did have funds to contribute to
the household and to at least pay for the cell phone bill that we
three had as a family together. So things settled into routines. He
and I and Max went up to Derek Parrott's living wake in March 2011.
Vernon ran into people who had known him and Marjori, this was before
they got reacquainted via Facebook. People were still upset with him
in the way that he left/divorced her. But he always maintained at
least while we were together that it was the right decision and that
he was glad he made it.
And
sometime around late 2011 early 2012 Zeke needed to move in with us
because his roommate who was an Iraqi veteran had gotten screwed over
by the VA and Zeke was about to lose his apartment and we didn't want
him to have a bad rental record. But it didn't go swimmingly to put
it mildly. The room wasn't really prepared for him and the modem was
in there so when we had to reset it and had to go in the room Zeke
was upset. Also he and Michael didn't get along and upon leaving he
would never come back into the house when Michael was there and won't
come in my house when Michael's around, ever. It is the major reason
why I left Michael.
2012
brought many opportunities and many challenges, it was a very hard
year. One of the opportunities was the ELAW Public
Interest Environmental Law Conference in Eugene in March. Vernon had
convinced the organizers to have a panel on Biking for Peace. The
panelists were, Cynthia McKinney, Ron Toppi, Michele Darr, and him.
Cynthia flew out for the event and she, Michele, Vernon, and I rode
from Corvallis to Eugene (a very nice bike ride, especially with a
stop at the Mennonite Bakery on Peoria Road). Ron took the train in
from Chico. We had just had snow and were cycling with snow still at
the sides of the road.The panel was interesting and Cynthia also
participated in another couple of panels. Vernon and I stayed at my
son, Max's in Eugene, Cynthia was hosted by a family, Ron stayed at a
conference organizers house and I think Michele stayed with friends.
The conference was hard on Ron since he couldn't bring his bike on
the Amtrak at Chico and had to rent/borrow one, also his hosts
weren't available to let him into their house when he needed to
because they were organizing an evening event.
The
ELAW Conference was also when Cynthia mentioned that she was thinking
of running for senate in Georgia on the Green Party ticket. And over
a discussion along the bike path in Eugene Michele and Vernon crafted
a plan to make that happen. Vernon ended up going out to Atlanta to
help out on that, sadly the effort failed. I missed him so much and I
think that's when I finally went through the
change. I
was so emotional. And then when
he came back our household almost fell apart due to the interactions
between him and Michael.
I
also got involved in Green politics on the statewide level and was
selected to be a delegate to the Green National Convention in 2012
back in the Baltimore area. It was really cool to get to see my
brother and sister-in-law's house and visit with my nephew. But the
convention was very demanding physically and I didn't sleep well as
my roommate insisted on having a light on at night.
After
the convention, I came back to Harvest and Ryan and the kids needing
to move in with us because they were getting evicted. So from July
2012 to around Labor Day of 2012 we had Zeke living in one bedroom
and Harvest and her family living in the downstairs living room which
was the music room where all the drums and my saxes were. Seems they
had been evicted because rent hadn't been paid due to Ryan's drug
habit. Sadly in that process Ryan stole from both Vernon and me.
Money from Vernon that he'd earned while working for Cynthia and from
me, he almost stole my alto sax, and did steal my inheritance of
silver dollars from my grandmother Brooks (I did take him to court
for the latter). Finally Harvest and the kids got to move into
Sunflower House and stay there I think for a good nine months until
they got an apartment in Albany. That lasted for a good couple so
years until Ryan moved back in and did the same thing all over. Man
did he sell a lot of her stuff that last time, some of it was stuff
I'd gotten for her. She ended up in another homeless shelter and I
guess he's back on the straight narrow or whatever you want to call
it. They do have a rental house and are together again. We'll see.
Also
that's the time when Marjori came to visit us just after all that
happened in September of 2012. Vernon still thought he had made the
right decision after the visit (to divorce her). However the whole
time she referred to him as her husband!
2012
was so horrible, I also came to find out that I was almost fired
then. I don't know what I would have done without the women who put
on the annual UUFC Rummage Sale as I went through the whole
Ryan/Harvest thing. Also I think that's when my lower back began to
act up so much that I couldn't get out of bed or walk and when I got
plantar
fasciitis.
Anyway
Zeke finally got out of the house in 2013 and found a better place
where he is now and we reclaimed the room for Vernon because he was
having a night job working at the Homeless Shelter also known as the
Cold Men's Shelter. I got him a good mattress (the one I have now)
and put up black window coverings so he could sleep during the day.
They didn't hire him back for next year.
So
around late 2012 I decided to check Facebook out for classmates from
my high school and then also Bishop. That ended up in me attending my
40 year reunion and getting acquainted with Paya, the movie about the
Paiute irrigation systems in the Owens Valley before my settler
ancestors arrived. And I also found out about one of the massacres
that happened, this one at Owens Lake that had included my great
grandfather, Alney McGee. I'd always thought the McGees were Irish,
but they were Scots who scabbed for the Brits in Northern Ireland. So
they had very bad history. Also, the LADWP was wanting to build a
Solar Ranch right across the highway from Manzanar (where my uncle,
an orphan of seven, was interred). The site for the Solar Ranch was
on my great grandparents' ranch that they had had to sell to the DWP.
So I felt the ancestors calling me back to the Owens Valley. Vernon
went with me to the 45th
Anniversary of the Manzanar Pilgrimage in April of 2014. I wanted to
show him the Owens Valley. He thought it was too dry for him and also
that all my friends were too middle class. Although he did talk about
a good place to set up a bike coop in Independence.
So
we returned home and I kept abreast of Owens Valley activities. One
that interested me was the Walking Water Pilgrimage, a three year
journey from Mono Lake to Los Angeles to highlight the loss of Owens
Valley water to LA. I joined the pilgrimage for the first leg, which
was from the headwaters of Lee Vining Creek, one of the creeks that
feeds Mono Lake, through to Owens Lake, the lake that LA dried up.
That journey went from September 1st
through the 22nd
2015. My last day at the UUFC was August 25th,
I took the train that afternoon down to Sacramento where my brother
and sister-in-law live. I got down to my friends' house in Round
Valley a couple of days before the walk, and the night before the
walk was supposed to start my cousin called offering me a place to
live should I really be wanting to come back to Bishop/Owens Valley.
It's an old Forest Service single wide and is where I live now.
And
later in the summer of 2014 Marjori was having break from her
schooling, he wanted to go up and see her but she wasn't comfortable
with that and he didn't go. He did remark in 2012 about her coming
down and him having to pay for her her fare about how crazy he
thought that was. And then in 2014 he did start talking about her
joining our household. Well for a reasons I won't go into that would
have ended our having sex. And that was very hurtful, but since that
didn't happen we continued on, however it ruined the sense of oneness
I felt with him, something I'd never felt with anyone before.
In
the meantime he got involved in the ballot measure 2-89 in Benton
County which would've banned GMO's being grown there. And he tried to
get hired at the Bike Coop but they didn't hire him. He'd started the
whole danged venture! His working on the 2-89 campaign ended him
playing with my band and I just could't bear to play without him
there so I also quit.
After
Walking Water I spent three weeks with my parents at their house in
Big Bear Lake helping them get things ready for their move into a
care facility in the Sacramento area and came back to Bishop for a
couple of weeks to interview for jobs and oversee my place getting
ready for move in (which didn't really happen much). I returned to
Corvallis on November 1st
and spent a month getting packed and ready to move down to Bishop. We
rented a 20 foot Uhaul, and I did need all that space. Vernon went
with me and drove. We had to go down the coast of Oregon and down to
Bakersfield/Mojave to get up 395 because I5 and 395 were undriveable
due to the snows. When we got there on Thanksgiving Day, the trailer
still wasn't ready, the carpet hadn't been replaced (it had tarry
skid marks on it) and there wasn't a working refrigerator. So we had
to keep the Uhaul for an extra day until those things could be
completed (they didn't charge us for any of this). It was very
difficult, moving is difficult enough. Vernon mentioned that folks in
other situations would be happy to have the space. I guess I'm not
worth decent flooring or a working refrigerator, how materialistic of
me. So we got enough moved in and settled so that we could put up the
bed and sleep there, we'd been sleeping at my cousin's.
So
I sent him back up to Corvallis on November 30th,
he thanked me for letting him help because it made him feel better
knowing where I was. Also at one time when my parents were visiting
Corvallis he thanked them for me. On one of those visits I was so
very visibly in love with him that my mother was worried. She didn't
think that he was a good deal because he'd had three divorces. Well I
think divorce comes with the territory when you're my age.
I
cashed out a pension that I didn't know about from HP to move down
here. But those funds have been depleted in the move and subsequent
getting the house up to snuff. The kitchen needed revamping somewhat,
when I moved in it only had one six inch wide drawer and needed more
cupboards and storage (at least I brought my wicker for the
meantime). And my furniture needed recovering after 43 years. At
least there's no hangman drawings on it any more. And there were a
few other storage solutions needed.
Around
mid-April 2016 my debit card got hacked and I needed funds to go to
my parents and to a medical appointment for my hemochromatosis that I
found out I had via my Aunt Charlotte having it. I got from Michael
what funds he could offer for my trip and I needed some more so I
asked Vernon. He was pretty cranky about it. So when he made the
announcements on Facebook about Marjori and him I was hesitant to
call him. The announcements made me feel that I had been totally
erased from his timeline. After Bike4Peace 2010 he didn't really have
employment and we, Michael and I, were the main support for the
household. Yes he did get me a Mac Mini and an IPad somewhere around
2013, I think, because the old Windows '98 machine was a great
frustration to me and he was sad about that. He'd said that that was
what money was for. So I was very surprised by his crankiness about
my need for a bit of money in April (I think it was around $150).
I
wish he'd called me before the announcements, I would have been
prepared and would have felt that I wasn't erased. But he just said
that he didn't have much computer time and that it was somebodyelses'
story. I had been fairly sanguine about him and Marjori prior to the
announcements, I even didn't get upset when Michael told me that
Vernon had come and gotten the tandem, because I'm sure they would be
needing it.
Anyway
I posted some of my thoughts about the announcements and had a long
chat with his sister, Lois. Also others said that they cringed when
they read his announcement about being apart from Marjori for twelve
years and I wasn't acknowledged. Others said when I told them about
why he didn't post anything about me, that their estimation of him
had been lowered. I have just noticed now that his sister has
unfriended me on Facebook, but his brother, Ted, friended me? So I
have lost family over this. Yes I'm upset.
He
asked how long I was going to be mad at him, and couldn't I just
remember the good times? Well this post is an effort to at least do
the latter. I am still very saddened about the former. And I expected
him to be more understanding about my anger over the former. It is
hard to find out that a friendship and a bit of life lived together
can be so disregarded. Also we had talked about him coming down to
visit when Reenie and John Gandalf were coming down to visit friends
in Alpine County (just a couple of counties to the north of Bishop).
He said I'd have to pay for him. And I'd hoped that he'd see that he
really did miss me. Alas.
So
I'm here in Bishop trying to get employed, but so far I've not been
selected for any of the teams I've applied for. Also I'm not quite
getting the opportunities to work on land/water rights restoration
that I thought I'd be very involved in by coming back here. And I've
not had companionship either, he has had some, before Marjori's first
visit to Cigamland. One of our friends (a companion) even wanted to
get my take on Majori visiting her place, Cigamland, is her property
where he is staying.
You
know I only saw him cry twice, once when he came back from his
brother Dan's memorial in April of 2010 and then again one night
after his mom's death in 2011.
I
don't know when they will be completely together/married again, he
and Marjori. He talks about them having long conversations about it
and that there is the “materialism” thing that will have to be
gotten over. I guess that means that he isn't thinking of being
employed to help support her. Or will they even have a place to live
other than the one room place that Vernon is in now at Cigamland?
Strange he did get employment after I left, some but not much. Well
I'm not throwing his things over the fence and I'm hoping this will
at least explain to him how I feel.
In
some ways I feel that I had an eight year long affair with a married
man. And it is the first time I've ever obsessed about the ending of
a relationship. I was so generous with him, financially especially. I
believe I made his life better and he did mine during the time we
were together, but as you know I feel so erased now from his life.
And I didn't expect that from him. He touts himself as being better
than that. I remember one Day of the Dead Service at the UUFC, they
had made butterflies everyone had gotten one. He fluttered his
butterfly over my head and made everyone laugh, especially those in
the choir. I still have that butterfly.
And
I don't know what will happen with Micheal and me. I did make a
promise to be with him forever, but I'm not sure I can keep that.
Michael seems to just want me to come take care of him and that is a
tall order. Plus there are other financial things going on with the
house so I'm not sure if there will be any resources with him. But in
honor of non-erasure, he and I were together for twenty-eight years.
Strange that my marriage to and being with Russell also lasted only
eight years as did the relationship with Vernon.
Maybe
the Owens Valley is not the answer for me, Corvallis definitely isn't
for me or Michael anymore. At one point we had thought to move to
Greece after my kids graduated high school. I think that was hard on
them, especially Max. And when that dream died it was hard to know
what to replace it with. I was very despairing about that as it was
something that we'd predicated a lot of financial decisions on and
those decisions led to me needing to declare bankruptcy. And I need a
reason in my life, that was the reason then. Somehow getting involved
with Vernon helped put some reason back in my life with all the
things I got involved in with him.
I'm
not sure what the reason is now, but that has nothing to do with
Vernon, it has to do with how things have happened here. I know my
cousin is happy I'm here and I'm helping her with things, but I've
yet to be able to pay her rent and unemployment was denied, so I'm
only on foodstamps with getting some money from cashing out a bit
more pension and from Michael. It is tough. And it is saddening to
not have anyone to share this beautiful valley with. I am glad to
hear the crickets again, however.
